All signs point towards the fact that we are living through a crisis in fatherhood. In Uganda, millions of children live without a father present in the home. Tragically, research shows that children from broken homes are statistically more likely themselves to get divorced or have children out of wedlock, thus perpetuating a cycle of fatherlessness.
However, one of the bizarre things about our culture’s contempt for masculinity and fatherhood, is that there is a massive body of irrefutable scientific evidence that shows that the mere presence of a father in the home can make all the difference for his children. Children who grow up in broken homes are far more likely to suffer from poverty, poor academic performance, out-of-wedlock pregnancy, substance abuse, depression, and on and on.
And so, even as our culture reviles men and fathers as “toxic,” we are collecting ever more evidence of the critical importance of their presence.
Although, to be fair, perhaps our cultural bitterness stems in part from the legitimate failures of so many fathers. One can’t help but wonder, for instance, how much of our confusion about gender also stems from the prevalence of divorce and single-parent households. So many of our children have never even seen what healthy masculinity or fatherhood might look like. Their primary memory of fatherhood may be of their father simply leaving home one day, and never returning.
No wonder religious belief is also falling. If the Bible teaches us that God is our Father, and our sole experience of fatherhood is an experience of abandonment, then why would we want anything to do with God? If we turn towards and depend upon God our father, we will only be disappointed, as we were by our earthly fathers.
But regardless of the situations happening, i call upon fathers to be strong as Christ was strong. In the midst of this crisis, there is an enormous need for men to step up to the plate, and to heal the wounds of fatherlessness by living a fatherhood modelled on the fatherhood of God the Father.
Our culture will continue to debate endlessly about the nature of “real” manhood and fatherhood. Personally, I would not expect much good to come of most of those debates, which often are highly ideological and politicized.
Instead, we need men who will turn back to the Scriptures and get back in touch with the fundamental simplicity of good fatherhood, of true leadership, of authentic strength. We find all of this expressed beautifully in the parable of the merciful father (prodigal son). We see it, too, in the brief, but evocative depictions of St. Joseph, that quietest of all Scriptural heroes, whose strength is not conveyed in great gestures, or magnificent accomplishments, but rather in a quiet, humble, steadfast obedience to the will of his Heavenly Father, and in an unshakeable fidelity in his love for the Blessed Mother and Christ.
In my travels around the Uganda, I have met more families than I can possibly remember. And despite the undeniable crisis of fatherhood, and contrary to the messages found in our popular entertainment, what I have found is that most fathers are, in fact, good fathers. They love their children. They are faithful to their wives. They quietly sacrifice every day to support their families. They invest their heart and soul into the welfare of their children, rejoicing in their successes and feeing their struggles as their own.
However, what sets so many of them apart, is that they do not draw attention to themselves. They do not celebrate their heroism. They simply wake up every day and give themselves in a spirit of service to their wife and children. To many on the outside, this does not appear as strength. But the wife and children of such a man know the truth. Such a father may be quiet, gentle, unassuming, and humble, and yet he is a pillar in the home.
He is wise enough to know that strength is not found in dominance, but in love: the self-sacrificial, generous, unconditional love of the merciful father. The father who is so centered upon something greater than himself, that he is able to give without counting the cost. He has the strength of Christ: the strength to resist the temptations of power, and instead to embrace service as a way of life.
This Father’s Day, let us counteract the toxic messages of our media, and celebrate men such as these. Authentic fatherhood takes many forms: but at its core there must be a Christ-like love and fidelity. So many of the problems in our world would be solved if we can only help our young men see and understand the nature of true fatherhood, breaking the cycle of fatherlessness, and finding the deep fulfillment that comes in strength used in service.
Timothy Waigolo
+256750680789 /0770612728
waigolotimothy@gmail.com
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